Let Winter Last Forever
by Dr. Nusakan
Summary: Is it wrong, that I am fond of his company? Each event becomes a "memory" I store safely away. Kyon and Yuki Nagato.


When I receive the call, I experience something. A peculiar type of reaction within myself.

I am convinced that it was what is called "happiness".

I am unable to find a sound reason for his request, unable to find one that contains any logic. This leaves the sole alternative that his reasoning went beyond logic, that in fact it was merely whim. That it was simply because he "felt like it".

I do not object.

I have no reason to.

Eventually there comes the knock, and I allow him inside my dwelling. He is bundled into his coat, his face red, and brings a blast of bitter, thirty-degree-Celsius air inside with him, but he smiles when he sees me. This seems to cause a fresh wave of "happiness" to come into existence and spread within me. Perhaps it is because his smile is, as most such expressions are, something a human would deem pleasant to view.

I, too, find it to be that.

…

…but each time such a thought is processed, a component deep within my system alerts me that the sensation, the raw internal "feeling" that is behind it, is not an occurrence acceptable to my inner workings. It is an error. They are all errors.

We exchange the customary greetings, and I close the door behind him. We walk to the kotatsu, and the one I have come to be so familiar with, the one known as "Kyon", slings his bag down off his shoulder and lowers it to the floor, thanking me for permitting him to visit and jokingly asking if I had been getting lonely today.

To this, I hesitate, and then shake my head. I tell him that his presence is welcome here.

He is smarter than that, however.

As is traditional in this society, I depart the room to bring in the tea I have prepared. It is a type he prefers, which he once mentioned in passing. Carrying the small tray, I return to the main room and serve him. I sit, and watch him consume multiple sips. He then sets down the cup and, turning to me, compliments the agreeable flavor.

…

…I attempt to disregard the warning.

Soon Kyon is immersed in his studies from where he sits across the table from me. He had told me on the phone previously that he needed a peaceful and quiet location to prepare for an upcoming exam, but that he would also prefer to be within a familiar presence. The latter portion of this explanation that led to his request was irrational, but I have long ago discovered that action based on a seeming lack of reasoning is acceptable here. I have also learned that his actions are ones I may trust.

My novel – _The Time Machine_, by British author H.G. Wells – is now back in my hands, and I resume my reading. For a very long time we each attend to our individual objects of interest in silence. As my focus narrows upon the book, the messages warning me of malfunction subside, though they never completely leave my system… just as his presence does not completely leave my mind.

When 2.23.08 hours have passed, he begins sliding to the floor from the slouching position he has occupied for approximately the last twenty minutes, his head coming to rest by the vast floor-to-ceiling window. With nothing to obstruct my view of his head, I see his eyes gradually sliding shut, and within moments he appears to be in slumber. I watch him. He seems peaceful. He seems not to be plagued by the contradictions in thoughts and "emotions" that continually rage inside me, a humanoid interface created for a singular purpose.

It appears that the "emotions" I sustain, along with the subsequent notifications, become more and more frequent with each passing day I spend on this planet.

While the error messages are nearly always the same, the affectations that occur vary extensively in type and degree of intensity. All of them I have studied intensively, however, I have found that no amount of research can substitute for the actual occurrence of experiencing an "emotion". There are many I have now come into contact with, including "joy", "sorrow", "anger", "fear", and others more complex that are not always easy to identify. My acquaintance "Kyon" has been attempting to educate me more thoroughly concerning the identification of these "feelings", and seems convinced that I have the ability to develop them further despite the alerts they cause in my system. He wants to assist me, for he considers us "friends".

I have recently determined that it is this "friendship" that causes the greatest, the strongest sensation of "gladness" within me.

My attention shifts from his sleeping form to the view outside the window, where atmospheric conditions have changed since the day began. There is now a moderate snowfall descending. It seems that its presence only heightens the air of tranquility.

When approximately thirty minutes have passed, Kyon stirs and slowly opens his eyes. He appears dazed, and his gaze roves about for a moment before settling on the window. I watch him as he stares upward at the flakes descending outside, blinking multiple times and, assumingly, gathering his senses. When he eventually notices me, he jumps slightly.

He sits up and, smoothing his hair, asks how long he has been "out". I tell him. He apologizes, attempting to stifle a yawn. Then he comments that he has only now remembered that the weather forecast had called for snow today.

Then, after a short span of silence in which he watches the snow and I watch him, he asks how I like having a name identical-sounding to "snow".

I say that it is fine.

I say that, however…

…snow vanishes after a time. The same flakes do not remain.

…my future is still undecided at this time.

There are many determining factors.

A future of "happiness" would be most desirable.

A future…of…

…

…I want there to be no regrets.

Soon Kyon is studying once again, having remarked that the short rest had refreshed him a bit. He is writing in his notebook, and I am about to return to my reading, when suddenly he looks up at me and grins.

"Say, Nagato…have you ever gone…sledding?"

_Warmth and cold and kindness and sadness –_

"Happiness" may be a strong feeling, but it seems I may be affected by something in addition to that, something even more powerful. Something which I am still trying to fathom.

"No."

_Not yet._

/

**Getting into Nagato's head and writing her thoughts is an idea that's always kind of scared me. I've seen a number of authors do it really well, and some of them are able to make her thoughts quite technical and directly incorporate what's going on in her system a lot of the time…but in my case, the best I could do is what you see above. This piece feels kind of like a flop to me.**

**Originally, this story was from Kyon's point of view, but it got too complicated and started to go in a direction I hadn't planned it to, and I began to get bored with it. So I figured this was as good a time as any to try writing from Yuki's point of view instead.**

**Now I'd like to see a picture of the two of them sledding… :D**


End file.
